An email
I left you thinking “What a massive loser, you can pretend you are ‘finishing’ the pilgrimage with the help of Richard if you like, but we all know that you’ve walked 5000km only to fail at the last moment.” Which was a reasonably fair assessment, but what you didn’t bank on was me getting this email:
From: Amit the Israeli
To: Mikey Lear
Date: Aug 20, 10:10
Michael Lear,
Please arrive at embassy at Tuesday morning at 8 a.m.
Amit,
The Israeli embassy – Amman
Yes, that’s right, I have friends on the inside and those friends have other friends and the result is that after a couple of weeks of waiting I have been actively summoned to the inner realms, the very place I was banned from until recently. The very place, in fact, where the people who could overturn the decision that was made against me were hiding. Summoned. Why would they summon me, right, unless they definitely wanted me to come into their country? What I naturally imagined and I’m sure you’re imagining too, is a humble and penitent delegation of Israelis holding flowers and chocolates and novelty oversized cards saying “We’re sowwy” and the president or perhaps a stand-in assuring me of an armed escort to take me to Jerusalem.
And all I had to do was wait for another couple of days. If you are the type of person who knows the day you’ll possibly be aware that Tuesday is today and that by now I should be on my way to Israel. So let me tell you what happened.
Richard
Richard arrived on the 20th which is the same time I got that email, so instead of us setting off straight away, we decided to wait for the fruit hampers because that way I could go to Jerusalem with him instead of ditching him at the border. While waiting we have done a lot of important things like walking around, attempting to go on the roof of a hotel and getting rejected by a friendly security officer (by the way, that was the answer to last week’s quiz – I violated a hotel by walking into a courtyard and up an outdoor fire escape through an open employees’ door – clearly not a crime), making pancakes, meeting another guy who’s staying with Kyle called Nathaneal, frying bread and eating it with sugar, reading Noam Chomsky books and improving the world generally. Our plan was – get to the embassy at 8am on Tuesday, leave for Jerusalem at 8.45am with written apology and fresh visa in pocket.
Israeli Embassy
The police at the embassy, totally out of character, let me in without asking any questions. They didn’t even get to my two red lines. The first stage was over with minimal difficulty by 9.30. Then I met some real Israelis which was quite exciting who said “You need to go to the British embassy” which is a pretty standard lie, so I wasn’t bothered by it and I showed them the print out of my email from Amit. They let me into the inner zone where a whole load of real Israelis dwelt. A small cluster of hours and one “I’m sorry, there’s nothing we can do, the Ministry of the Interior won’t budge on this very serious issue” later and I was eyeball to eyeball with Amit. He obviously recognised that since he’d invited me there it would have been a bit rich to say the same thing, so instead he said “Well we’re going to have to write a letter to the Ministry of the Interior about your case, and they may change their minds. But it’ll take a couple of weeks, maybe three.” Delightedly I said “Great! Only three weeks of waiting! Joy! So, do you think they’ll let me in then?” and he said “Maybe.” On further pushing he admitted that it would be a minimum of one week and there was a 50% chance that they’d change their minds.
50%
50%. That’s not a huge % to risk a three week (estimated) wait on. Plus it was a prediction made by someone who is an expert in getting people to leave his building but I saw how he dealt with this Jewish guy in front of me in the queue (British and thinking of moving to Israel), and it was much less friendly. My conclusion is that I still have a smouldering ember of hope left. In the meantime I’m going to give my stick, candle and list of people to pray for to Richard, walk with him (and Nathaneal, who seems to have some spare time) to the border and then come back and chill out for a while. And I feel great about that – doing nothing for no reason is something I haven’t done for a while. To clarify, for the natively non-English, that last sentence was ironical. To be explicit, my exact feeling about waiting here indefinitely to be told eventually that I still can’t come to Israel is: GHAAArgh!
Hey Rose,
more waiting, at least you have some company. Fingers crossed etc. If this is the first post Mum and Alison will be gunning for me. Yay.
Love Jo and co.
xxx
Slightly annoyed Jo got in first when I’ve been checking all day.
Amit rules, obviously. Smouldering ember, fifty percent… what’s a pilgrimage all about if it isn’t smouldering fifty percents? If you don’t stick around, you won’t be able to say “well I was stuck in Amman for a WHOLE MONTH” when people tell you stories about Ryanair. Think of the anecdote wars you can win.
Ok Jo thats it first your mother and now you what is going on,well back to you mikey sorry you have to wait around again but we will keep praying for you all the best to richard,I did here that your arrest was to do with steps!!!
With much love and preyers
Alison/xx
Oh yeh Harrie I beat you this time x
I don’t know what to say. I would be more than fed up after a few hours. but a week in a life time isn’t so long. It just seems for ever at the time. Really this is so I get emails of further comments. I must go and cook supper next door as they luckily (a) have an Aga and (b) are away and our Aga isn’t up to heat yet, having mysteriously gone out yesterday.
I do feel for you. Big hugs, mum
I dont beleive it Wig beat me to when I was wrighting my message what is it are the lears ganging up on me………
I forgot to offer my useless advice for the next few weeks.
Here it is:
http://www.google.co.uk/search?q=amman+is+a+really+fun+city
Hello Richard and Mikey,
Sorry to hear you didn’t get clearance as yet, Mikey, and I wish you all well with your walk to the border and hopefully beyond. Will be thinking of you and looking forward to hearing all about it. Duncan is pining away, as usual, Rich.
Missing you,
love Mum xxx
Hi Rich and Mikey,
Wishing you well tomorrow. Look after yourselves.
Love Dad/Chris
Yo Mikey,
Well done! I never thought you’d make it!
The beard’s incredible, if I didn’t know better I’d say you were a prophet.
Lots of love and don’t forget to return Gone With The Wind when you get back,
Chris
Lear,
Keep up the good work – you’ll get there eventually!
Make sure you do lots of sitting – i’ve heard it’s awesome!?
Good luck!
Rama
Hi Mall Ry
Not being a pilgrim, but having been pregnant, I can only liken it in some small way to being pregnant. Pregnancy fine (feels a long time); final 2 weeks post-due-date really dull; v fat and uncomfy and impatient; induction of labour took about 24 hrs; labour itself about 24hrs; I started hallucinating and vomitting; it was painful and only funny in parts (excluding the part where Jimi stole my gas&air pipe to have a go); and then Minnie popped out and suddenly I wanted to do it all again!
So here’s hoping that your patience and the final trophy will make it all worthwhile. So sorry you’ve had to wait for ages. Did you tell them that you had every minute of your day accounted for? Sometimes works.
Keep your chin up and enjoy your pancakes xxxx the fat one
We’ve just had a fab holiday club with 40 kids doing silly things and learning about Adam, Noah and Jesus. One lad had some spare clay left over to make an animal and he made one small flat disc and another larger one. ‘What’s that?’ says I. “Its an underwater hippo”. Brilliant. How do you get a baby astronaut to sleep? (Rocket). How do you find king arthur in the dark (knight light). What do you get if you cross a fish with an elephant? (swimming trunks). Knock knock / who’s there / Abbie / Abbie who? A bee stung me! Laugh? I nearly cried!
love & prayers from us all at Holiday Club
James & Co.
Ah Mikey, you’re so humble and full of gratitude – it’s obvious this ‘pilgrimage’ of yours has paid off! Bravo! :-)